Starting Over. As a consultant.

At the beginning of the year, I was fortunate to land a short-term consulting engagement. The assignment was straightforward on paper: evaluate an existing software development team and possibly help transition to a new one.

Seemed pretty cut and dry. Easy peasy. Evaluating vendors, leading a project, and being a champion for change are all things I have done before.

Two weeks into the engagement, I’ve realized how much I underestimated the process of starting over. After spending years in a role I loved, I thought this short-term opportunity would feel like a fresh start. Truth be told, after more than six months, I am still mourning my old team and past life. I thought this consulting project would be a cakewalk, would help fill the void of what I once had, and make me feel OK with not being OK.

The role on paper was not the role in real life

When I applied for this project, the description outlined specific responsibilities and expectations. I even did a 35-minute, “one-way” interview where I recorded myself answering questions and trying to put my best foot forward.

By the end of day one, it was clear the role wasn’t as advertised. I wasn’t given a playbook or even a clear goal. My instinct was to jump in, but without knowing where to start, I felt uneasy. I questioned whether I could contribute meaningfully, whether I’d made the right choice, and how to balance this engagement with my ongoing job search. It was a frustrating start. I know I am a leader, a “doer,” and always up for a challenge… why was I not able to jump right in!?

What I’ve come to realize is that this uncertainty is part of the process. Starting something new, especially in a consulting role, is rarely straightforward. There’s often a gap between what’s promised and what’s real. The challenge is figuring out how to bridge that gap and finding your own value along the way.

Start small, then earn the right to go bigger

For me, that meant starting small. I focused on asking questions and having open conversations with my peers and stakeholders. I wanted to understand not just the processes but the people behind them. What’s working? What’s not? What would they change if they could? Through those discussions, I began to piece together where I could contribute, and that gave me the confidence to take the first steps.

I quickly gained trust from peers. I was starting to be seen as someone who wasn’t just a specialist in a single area, but a generalist who brought great experience and a real possibility of making an impact. Someone who knew how to get it done, and as a consultant wasn’t afraid to say things for what they were since they had to be said.

Consulting, at least the useful kind, is often about finding clarity before pretending to have answers.

Progress does not erase the transition

But even with progress, the transition has been anything but easy. I still find myself questioning my direction, second-guessing my impact, and feeling the pull of my previous role. I miss the clarity and purpose I had there, and I’m learning that those feelings don’t disappear just because you start something new.

What this experience has taught me, however, is that it’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Uncertainty does not imply failure. It’s part of the process of growth. Consulting, for all its challenges, has reminded me how to navigate ambiguity, build trust, and create value even in situations where none of those things are clearly defined at the start. Great practice for when I land my next full-time role.

To anyone in a similar position, here’s what I’d say: change is hard, and transitions are messy, but they’re also opportunities to learn and grow. Starting over sucks! Don’t be afraid to take small steps, ask questions, or admit when you don’t know something. Progress takes time, and clarity doesn’t happen overnight.

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